
Tournaments are held on polar ice caps, and there is no ball. Instead, golfers must seek out baby seals to club.
- PGA Tour Golfers must club as many seals as possible and design a fashion line from their clubbings. The winner is the one that gets the most Friends of the Earth protesters outside their house.
- Ryder Cup Players must ride around on seals to club other seals, including ones ridden by other players. Winner is the one with the most clubbed seals.
- Masters Various countries have Master's tournaments. The object of these tournaments is to club the baby seal into the ocean in as few shots as possible, and then masturbate on them, thus the name.
- Recently Bereaved Players Cup The likes of Tiger Woods, Darren Clarke, and Chris DiMarco club seals while weeping to compete for the coveted Urn.
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