Golf Terminology

• Albatross — Hitting an albatross with one's ball.
• Albatoss — Hitting Jessica Alba with one's ball.
• Birdie — Hitting a bird out of the sky with one's ball.
• Bogey — Hitting a Humphrey Bogart lookalike with one's ball.
• Chip Shot — Hitting a shot while eating chips.
• Double Bogey — Same as above, but with two Humphrey Bogart lookalikes.
• Eagle — Many people believe that this refers to hitting an eagle with one's ball. This is incorrect. It actually refers to the use of a ridiculously oversized Israeli firearm as a putter.
• Doih — Attempting to hit one's ball with the wrong end of the club.
• Golf Golf — A form of golf in which the players use small Volkswagen hatchbacks to travel from hole to hole. Called Rabbit Golf in the United States until 1984.
• Golf War — Stuck in the biggest sandpit ever invented, more like Crazy Golf as Scuds land all around.
• Mulligan — Uttered when playing with a guy whose last name is Mulligan. When he hits you with the ball (or when baby seal guts hit you in the face), you can yell "Mulligan!", and are permitted to punch him in the face five times. This is shown in the 1996 Adam Sandler film "Happy Mulligan" when the title character gets beat up by Bob Barker.
• Shagbag — See Princess Michael of Kent.
• Snowman — The act of hitting an innocent snowman with a baby seal. This is usually a sure sign that you should quit. Later, all the golfers playing will mourn around the snowman, firing large missiles into the air with their oversized Israeli putters. If while firing a missile a baby seal is hit and killed, the player responsible for the missile will be hanged on the spot.
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